Why I Chose Not to Co-Sleep With My Boys

I am a firm believer that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to baby and toddler sleep. Every family finds their own rhythm, and what works brilliantly for one might not suit another. One of the hot topics that often comes up in the world of baby sleep is co-sleeping, and whether you choose to do it or not, it’s such a personal decision.

Co-sleeping can mean different things to different families - some talk about co-sleeping as sharing a bed with their babies, whereas some see co-sleeping as having the baby or child in the same bedroom as them. Both of which are perfectly valid, as long as they are done safely and they work for your family.

For the first 6 months - as per the Lullaby Trust guidance - our boys shared a room with us in a bedside cot. Admittedly there were times in those early newborn days when I was hazily trying to breastfeed in the middle of the night or my boys needed some comfort - of course they would end up in bed with me, our instincts in those early days were strong and I don’t regret those midnight cuddles at all.

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However, as my babies approached 6 months old, I chose to transition them to their own bedrooms rather than share a bed with us.

Here are the five reasons why independent sleep made the most sense for us:

1. Safety First

The biggest factor for me was safety. I knew that by putting my baby to sleep in their own clear, flat sleep space, I was reducing the risks and helping them sleep safely. I didn’t have to worry about heavy duvets, pillows, or the possibility of rolling onto them by accident during the night. It gave me peace of mind and helped me relax enough to get some sleep myself.

2. We All Slept Better

It turns out that both my husband and I sleep much more soundly when we’re not worrying about a child in the bed with us. We weren’t tiptoeing around in the dark or waking with every little grunt, snuffle or being kicked in the night! And more restful sleep for parents meant more energy to have for our boys and our day jobs during the day.

3. We got our bedroom back

I don’t think we realised how much we were having to creep about in the dark or be quiet until the boys were in their own bedrooms. We could switch the lights on, talk to each other, and not worry if we needed a midnight bathroom trip. My husband also leaves for work early in the morning, so he could get dressed and leave the room without the risk of waking the boys.

4. Flexibility When We Travel or Go Out

Having the boys sleep independently from early on made things like travelling or staying somewhere else much easier. Whether we were at a relative’s house or away on holiday, the boys were used to their own sleep space, so they could settle more easily without needing us right next to them. The same went for when we had a babysitter or left them with grandparents, we knew they could fall asleep happily without needing us in the bed.

5. Encouraging Independence

Most of all, I wanted my boys to feel happy and confident in their own space. I didn’t want bedtime to be something that relied on me being present in the bed every night. Encouraging that independence early on has really paid off - both of them are good sleepers and generally settle without a fuss. Of course we’ve had the odd wobbly patch (we’re only human!), but overall, I believe that choosing independent sleep helped them feel secure and comfortable in their own sleep routines.

So, while I absolutely respect and understand families who choose to co-sleep, especially when it’s done safely, I knew that independent sleep was the right choice for my boys and for our family as a whole.

At the end of the day, it's not about doing what everyone else is doing. It’s about doing what feels right for you and your family.