Why Has My 4-Year-Old Stopped Sleeping?

If your once-great sleeper is suddenly struggling with bedtime or waking up frequently, you might be wondering what’s going on. Many parents refer to this as the 4-year sleep regression, but I don’t believe that term really fits.

Unlike at 4 months, when a baby’s sleep cycles permanently change, your 4-year-old hasn’t suddenly “forgotten” how to sleep. Instead, what’s happening is a natural response to the huge cognitive, emotional, and physical developments they’re going through.

What’s Going On With Your 4-Year-Old?

At this age, your child’s world is expanding quickly. Their brains are working overtime, and this can have an impact on their ability to wind down and sleep well. Some key developments happening around age 4 include:

Social & Emotional Growth – Starting school (or hearing lots about it), making new friends, understanding social cues, and experiencing separation anxiety.
Cognitive & Language Skills – Learning to count, recognising letters, following multi-step instructions (“Put your toys away, then come sit down”), and having more complex conversations.
Imagination & Fears – Their imaginative play is more advanced, and they’re also learning the difference between real and pretend, which can lead to nighttime fears.
Physical Development – Mastering skills like riding a bike, hopping on one foot, and catching a bounced ball, all of which take a lot of brain power.
Understanding Time & Predictions – Starting to understand concepts like tomorrow, next week, and what happens next, which can make bedtime routines more of a negotiation.

Why These Changes Affect Sleep

We know that sleep is crucial for learning and emotional regulation, it’s when little ones process their experiences, attach emotions to memories, and recharge for another day of learning. But when a child’s brain is working overtime, it can be harder for them to switch off at bedtime. They might resist sleep because:

They’re too excited about everything they’ve learned.
They want more connection with you after a busy day.
Their imagination is creating new fears (monsters under the bed, shadows on the wall).
They’re testing independence and pushing boundaries.

How to Help Your 4-Year-Old Sleep Better

The good news is, this is likely just a phase, and with the right strategies, you can help your little one settle back into a good sleep routine.

1. Make Sure They’re Getting Enough Physical Activity

Kids this age have loads of energy. Making sure they have plenty of outdoor play, climbing, running, and chasing after a ball during the day can help burn off energy so they’re ready for sleep.

2. Talk to Them About Their Day

Give them the opportunity to share their experiences with you. Let them talk about their new skills, friendships, and challenges earlier in the day, rather than right before bed when they need to wind down.

3. Address Fears Through Play

Encourage imaginative play during the day, and let them act out stories, fears, or worries. Playing pretend helps them gain control over their imagination and feel less afraid of bedtime shadows or “monsters.”

4. Get Involved in Their Play

Your child craves connection with you. Getting involved in their world, whether that’s reading with them, building towers, or even roughhousing before the bedtime routine, fills their emotional cup and makes them more relaxed at bedtime.

5. Keep Bedtime a Positive Experience

Bedroom = Safe Space – Avoid using their room as a punishment so they don’t associate it with negative experiences.
Use a Visual Bedtime Routine Chart – A simple checklist (MY CHART) helps them see when everything is done, it’s time to sleep.
Encourage Independence – Let them pick their own jim jams, choose a book, or turn off the light to feel more in control.
Create a Relaxing Routine – Incorporate physical touch, deep breathing, or reading books to help calm their mind. Some children might need a bit of high-energy play first (like roughhousing) to help them settle.
My visual Bedtime Routine chart (click to download)

Final Thoughts

This phase will pass, but how you handle it now will set the tone for future sleep habits. By supporting their development, giving them connection, and keeping bedtime positive, you can help your 4-year-old feel confident and secure in their sleep routine. And most importantly, try not to introduce sleep habits you don’t want to maintain long-term (like staying in their room until they fall asleep).

Stay consistent, stay patient, and before long, you’ll have a happy, well-rested little sleeper again!