Bed Sharing vs Sleep Training: Finding the Right Approach for Your Family
- Charlotte Evans
- Feb 12
- 4 min read
When you’re pregnant with your first baby, or navigating those precious but exhausting newborn days, you might already have an idea of how sleep might look for your family.
Perhaps you imagine your baby settling peacefully in their own cot, or maybe you feel drawn to bed sharing, keeping your little one close throughout the night.
The truth is, there is no single “right” way - there is only what works for your baby and your family.
As a baby sleep consultant, I specialise in encouraging independent sleep for babies and toddlers, but that doesn’t mean bed sharing (or co-sleeping) is wrong. For many families, it’s a conscious and positive choice, but for others it simply becomes a seemingly necessary solution during a spell of pure exhaustion.
The History of Bed Sharing and Sleep Training
Bed sharing is common in many cultures around the world, including parts of Western society. Many breastfeeding mothers feel that co-sleeping makes night feeds easier and less disruptive, whilst also promoting closeness, reassurance and connection without fully waking.
Up until the 1980s, bed sharing was more common in the UK. However, as sleep training manuals grew in popularity and safe sleep campaigns became more prominent, many parents were discouraged from sharing a bed with their baby. At the same time, a higher percentage of mothers were deciding to return to work than in previous years, increasing the desire for babies to sleep independently so parents could feel rested for the working day.
In recent years the conversation around bed sharing vs sleep training has been far more balanced, and importantly, centred around informed choice.
If you do choose to bed share, it’s essential that it’s done safely. The Lullaby Trust provides clear guidance on safe bed sharing in the UK, which I’d encourage you to read before making that decision.
Bed Sharing in the Early Days
In the newborn stage, physical closeness is not only normal, it’s biologically appropriate. It supports bonding, emotional regulation, breastfeeding and attachment. However, what works during the fourth trimester doesn’t always work at 6, 9 or 12 months.
As babies grow, many parents begin to feel that bed sharing is no longer sustainable. You might notice:
Your baby wriggles and disturbs your sleep
Night feeds are happening more frequently than needed
Your little one wakes fully between sleep cycles
They won’t settle without you lying beside them
You lose your evenings as you stay in bed during bedtime
Intimacy and connection with your partner are affected
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This is often the point where families start exploring moving from co-sleeping to a cot or looking into gentle sleep training methods.
It’s important for you to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Changing your approach doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it simply means your family’s needs have evolved.
What Does Gentle Sleep Training Really Mean?
For many sleep-deprived parents, the term “sleep training” feels uncomfortable. There’s a common belief that it means leaving your baby to cry alone, but this is not the only way to sleep train your baby.
There are responsive, emotionally supportive ways to encourage independent sleep for babies and toddlers. Approaches that:
Do not involve leaving your baby to cry it out
Allow for reassurance and parental presence
Keep night feeds where developmentally appropriate
Involve both parents
Build positive sleep habits gradually
When done consistently and in the right way for your baby, families often see significant improvements within two weeks.
The key to sleep training success is having a clear plan, being consistent with that plan, and above all - being ready for change.
Moving from Bed Sharing to Independent Sleep
If you’re wondering how to stop bed sharing whilst still being responsive to your baby’s needs, the good news is that it doesn’t have to be challenging or distressing.
With the right support, your baby can learn to:
Settle in their own cot
Link sleep cycles independently
Reduce unnecessary night wakings
Feel secure in their own sleep space
This transition to independent sleep has benefits for both baby and parents, including:
Longer, more restorative sleep for parents
More peaceful nights for your baby
The return of your evenings
Greater flexibility for childcare and family life
All of this is possible to achieve whilst still being responsive to your baby’s needs.
A Real Family’s Experience
One family I worked with had been bed sharing with their little girl, but it became unsustainable as she was becoming more active and increasingly reliant on Mum to resettle.
They said:
“Our daughter had refused to sleep in the cot and was waking 3–4 times during the night. It’s been two weeks now and she has slept in her cot with no night wakings.”
I worked with this family to create a plan that worked for them and their baby, and we started to see improvements in just a matter of days.
There Is No One-Size-Fits-All Approach
Whether you choose bed sharing, independent sleep from the start, or a transition later on, the most important thing is that it feels right for your family.
Remember:
You are allowed to change your mind.
You are allowed to need sleep.
You are allowed to want your evenings back.
And you are absolutely allowed to get support.
If you’re ready to explore responsive sleep training or gently move away from co-sleeping, I offer practical, supportive methods tailored to your baby’s age, with many families seeing improvements within two weeks.
You don’t have to navigate sleep alone.
How I can support you:
My 1:1 consultations are perfect if you want a clear plan to implement and 2 weeks support from a sleep expert while you implement it.
Find out more about The Snooze Package
Learn more about why your baby might be waking in the night, the science of sleep and have a step-by-step methods for implementing a sleep support method with my downloadable Sleep Guides.
These Sleep Guides allow you to implement a plan in your own time without investing in a full support package.
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